My Avoidant Parents: A Series of Texts

To Mom: Monday, May 13th 7:21 A.M

“Hey,

I’ve been thinking just talking in therapy over the last few years, that our relationship doesn’t go a deep emotionally as I’d prefer. You, me and dad.

I feel like other than check ins, my cry fits/panic attacks when I call or unless I initiate, we don’t connect deeper past proof of life.

With my Leep Procedure, when I told you about it in the beginning you responded about tampons instead of acknowledging how it could be making me feel and emotionally supporting me in that way, and you never followed up or asked how I was feeling.

I feel like you two are always there to problem solve and talk logistics, which is so helpful, but you don’t ask deeper questions or offer to talk about feelings except for when I explicitly initiate it like when we had the breakup conversations last year and I initiate out of desperation with where my head was at.

I hate always having to initiate anything deeper, it makes me feel like you don’t care (even though I know that’s not true).

I know this is out of the blue for you but it’s been a common thought since moving around when we were younger with all the moves and my mental health went south, and my feelings were met with a yoga membership and medication.

I feel if I move out there and change my whole life, I want to start having these conversations.

Do you agree or how do you feel about that?

I’m dropping this bomb right before I have to run to work but happy to talk on the phone later.”

From Mom: Tuesday, May 14th 8:12 A.M

“Not ignoring, just surprised, hurt angry with your text”

From Dad: Friday, May 16th 9:05 A.M

“Call me when you can.”

Me: “I can’t today with work and plans, how’s tomorrow morning?”

“When you can. Curious why drama is being drummed up? If you are afraid to tell us you changed your mind on moving back don’t be. Your call we love and support you always.”

Me: “Drama? My feelings are drama.”

Dad: “No they are not but texting your mom and not waiting to have a conversation face-to-face or on the phone is.”

Me: “I’m sorry that the way I shared my feelings wasn’t up to par with your preferences. I did offer a phone call same-day to talk about it more and I didn’t hear a word back until the next morning. I’m happy to talk on the phone, was waiting for you two to process and initiate.

My feelings aren’t stemmed from changing my mind, the text message explicitly said the feelings were long overdue being said. It’ not a response to being nervous to share a decision. “

Dad: “Don’t call me tomorrow. Your feelings are your feelings. I have nothing more to say.”

Me: “I’m asking for more love and support from you two on a deeper level and you can’t even have a conversation about it. You critique how I shared them without even acknowledging the whole point of me sharing them in the first place. That hurts.”