a love spell

We all know that early part of the relationship when you’re spending so much time together that it puts your entire single-person routine to complete shit. The eating on a strict meal plan, the consistent workouts, nights in doing all your hobbies in one sitting…and overall letting this new exciting dopamine hit take over into a full-fledged love spell.

I’ve seen this many times before in my life. I’ve seen it in myself and i’ve seen it in friends around me. Being in a new relationship is like having a part time job and with my full-time job, and life obligations on top of it; I’ve been pretty stacked lately.

Lately, I’ve been trying to navigate my own personal goals and not necessarily prioritizing them above him but doing my best to not forget them and to keep pursuing the small steps forward. those personal goals being staying healthy; maintaining my weight, dancing, eating right, and then there’s paying off this debt.

Most importantly throughout all of this im trying to keep myself on the ground as much as possible; touching grass and being real with myself and this relationship. one big thing ive been trying to pay attention to most is how i feel when I am around. Not just my heart feelings, but most importantly my body feelings. am I calm? Do i feel regulated? are there any consistent inconsistencies?

I’ve collected some journal prompts that I’d like to work through here.

1. After spending time with him i feel…i feel like my cup has been filled. my heart feels full with the amount of connection i’ve had with him in the time we spent together. im still experiencing being tired just due to the shift and going to/from my apartment a lot and perhaps needing a little bit more alone time to sit with myself, but overall I feel happy that I had that time with him.
2. When something feels off my first instinct is to….get quiet. try to assess what is happening before I say anything. Then when I feel calm and prepared, I communicate what happened and seek to understand first.
3. since dating him, the parts of me that feel most alive are…my femininity & sexuality – i feel safe in openly expressing who I am as a woman and what I need. I feel most alive in how i express myself and how actively accepting he is of me getting into dancing. I feel desired and loved, which ignites a part of me that feels appreciated to be me.
4. what patterns are happening – good or challenging? …. when he is upset, he gets quiet and it takes him some time to open up (Holiday party & coco bongo anxiety attack), when he drinks too much he becomes insensitive and self-focused (holiday party & headache night on vacation). He gets defensive sometimes over how I may or may not perceive him. when you give him love and reassurance he comes back 10x. physical touch is his major love language – hand holding, hugs, cuddling, small touches out and about, etc; he’s curious and asks whats on his mind.
5. what does safety look like on a bad day….this one is still pending.